I was Ghosted on Instagram By A Sexy American Football Player
Hello to the Internet, I have an announcement I am making out of pure and utter revenge, please indulge me. It’s the Grum Mum again, back with an update on all the shenanigans I find myself in the midst of as a single British mum blessed with an athletic spirit and a fabulous following on social media that gives me a dream day job. Being single is not a dream night job, however, so I bide my time with wine and whinging and absolutely ill-advised attempts at online dating.
When last we met here, I shared two eye-rollers… the first about a romantic facebook flirtation with a sexy chef from California with more tattoos than common sense and that does have a conclusion I will share soon, I promise. The second incident involved a seemingly innocent encounter where a gorgeous celebrity crush of mine ‘liked’ one of my comments to him on Instagram. Today’s story relates to that incident.
My Witty Comment On Fellatio Got His Attention
If you have not yet read the article, go ahead, I’ll wait while you absorb the backstory. What I left out of the article was that the comment involved an (tasteful and very slightly ambiguous) offer of fellatio, which, ahem… makes it a LITTLE bit more titillating that this man liked it. Especially considering he NEVER likes any fan comments, EVER, nevermind ones making inappropriate public offers of oral gratification.
As you will recall, however, he was almost instantaneously back with his annoyingly clingy girl-creature. Sadly his role in the play of my life now ends. This story does not involve that sexy celebrity Instagram model, as he is in fact NOT an American Football player like the title states. Let me explain.
After I left this comment, which obviously was extremely witty in addition to being ragingly inappropriate, it got several likes from other people, not just the celebrity… and people noticed he had liked it. Apparently my celebrity crush has a lot of strong, sexy, male followers because I received more than a few DM requests offering up various male organs in substitution of the celebrity one. A few of the DMs were more normal.
Hey Girl, I’m a Famous American Football Star
Only one DM did I actually respond to, and it was just a simple ‘hey u’. The reason I responded? The sender was an account with several MILLION followers, an official player for the American Football league! Of course I wrote back, I’m not above it and I challenge any of you single women who say you are. If a man has millions of followers and a body that has been carved from rock by the Gods and probably a billion dollars, you are going to respond to ‘hey u’ too.
Even IF it’s because you know he saw you offer to give another man fellatio. Yes, yes, judge me, but – ‘Non, je ne regrette rien!’
Pardon my french. Let’s on with the story, shall we?
How Our Flirtatious Instagram Obsession Began
As these things do, we began to have an awkward conversation that was punctuated with him following me (on my ‘private’ account), liking any picture of me in a bathing suit or scantily clad or remotely sexy, and watching all my daily instagram stories. He never left comments and he didn’t like any of my daily posts, but he would leave a few short comments to me in my DMs. It was like elevator small talk.
It was a little weird, I wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me at first or just friendly or trying to network. Once he was into my private account he could clearly see my main account. Some of these athletes are really into self promotion and being seen with social media girls – they are incredibly concerned with their public image. Overall I was incredibly curious, so I started asking him questions and we started actually talking, quite a lot.
He never texted me, or asked for my number, but with Instagram these days you don’t need any of that – you can text chat all day and even video chat privately right in Instagram. So that’s what we did, and I just assumed he was an ultra busy pro footballer and was honestly flattered that he spent a few minutes of nearly every hour of his day chatting with ME.
I Was His Delicious Little English Muffin
He loved my accent, said he had to get his ‘daily dose of English muffin’. God I’m blushing, he was so stupid but I ate it up. We ended up chatting throughout the day for three weeks or so, following each other’s stories like a soap opera, of course. I’ve never posted so many stories in my life and he watched them all within moments and always sent a private response. Then the fourth week rolled around.
Suddenly he got very busy, and it was over a weekend so of course I tried not to take it personally. Although, I had been so swept up in him that I hadn’t organized any plans and certainly no dates for the weekend, so I had to scramble last minute to insert myself into activities. What a joy I was to my friends, glued to my phone, unable to stop frantically checking every five seconds to see if he had written back.
They knew something was up, of course, and finally they had it out of me. The whole sad story of it, and immediately the suggested was put forth, that dreaded word was uttered…
He’s Ghosting You!
Ghosting, what on earth is that? Is this Pac-Man… or is he going to kill me with his charm and good looks? Is ghosting a good thing or a bad thing? Well, as I almost immediately discovered, it is a very bad thing.
Sadly, like the plague, ghosting is also terribly common. It is a phenomenon when a person with whom you are having a flirtation, a romantic liaison, an acquaintance, a casual friendship, a date, or even a conversation with, suddenly disappears and is completely gone forever.
What, you say, as I did out loud, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would a person just suddenly leave in the middle of a conversation with no explanation whatsoever, never to return again? I mean, first of all… isn’t that just terribly RUDE?
Disappearing from a Person’s Life with No Warning Is Rude!
Second of all, I might have gasped, why would you think this hot, divinely proportioned, financially gentrified sports star would do THAT to ME, a person with a comparably modest but absolutely divine social media following and children from prior relationships and no where near financial stability that comes with being able to throw a leather football. I mean, I’m a catch, right? That’s why he likes me (get it, because he’s a catching expert?)
My friends gently suggest my British wit might not have translated so well as my accent, and that my bottom is a bit more wobbly than it was a decade ago, before I had the children that pretty much deter any man from a serious relationship with me. I dismissed their concerns out of pride and went and sobbed in the bathroom. Still, no messages.
Over the next few days the sinking feeling continued until I had to call an emergency wine night to confirm my social media woes. After days of snatches of conversation and how are yous, he stopped even watching my stories. That was the moment I knew, the moment I had to call in reinforcements. My friends gave the ultimatum.
You’ve been Ghosted by an American Footballer
Grant you, they said it in uproarious laughter and in the spirit of congratulations, as if being given the ‘cut direct’ by a celebrated meat-headed athlete was some sort of achievement… a coup de grace of my social career. But look at how many followers he has, they cooed… trying to stoke my broken ego. One of my dear friends had the fortitude to actually scroll through all of his posts and like the undercover Mossad agent she is… discovered that he almost certainly has a girlfriend.
Yes, after spending the better part of a month obsessing over a man, I had not even looked closely enough at his feed to realize he kept posting images with the same woman throughout the years, a woman who was obviously not his relative. Actually, she looked like a curvier, more Kardashian version of myself if I’m being honest.
She’s a model it turns out, and not the ‘fitness’ kind if you know what I mean. She appears to be an adult model, or a presenter as we like to call them… one might generously describe her as a ‘bikini model’. It doesn’t appear to be the sort of profession that a professional football star is formally to date, if my understanding is correct.
Ghosted Because of his Girlfriend Guilt
My takeaway from this experience is that ghosting is just another way to describe getting out of a bad situation before it happens. If someone who by all accounts likes you suddenly disappears from your life, there is always a reason. Since time immemorial men have been finding ways to cheat on their partners in secret, and now Instagram is just another tool on their belt.
I am not going to call him out by name, but I am going to post a link to this on my private blog because I know that while he stopped watching my stories, he still follows me and sees my posts.
You know who you are and what you did, Mr. American Football Player, and now so do ALL of my friends.
Good luck trying it again with any ‘English muffin’, you’ll find a stale reception I assure you.
If You Get Ghosted: Don’t Take It Personally, Take it as a Compliment
Ladies across the world I say to you this, don’t be disheartened by this dishonest behavior. It reflects only on what a jewel you are that you were coveted by someone that did not deserve you, and only briefly got to enjoy your radiance. If a thief drools over you so will a king.
If you are ghosted, don’t worry about the reason, just know there is one and that you’re better off with a man who will meet you face-to-face and with an honest heart. Also, for the love of God do not be tempted by the DM box… especially not when you know he’s up to no good from the beginning!
Adieu, and thank you for listening to my tale of woe and vengeance.
What Do You Think?
Can you relate to being ghosted while dating? Did you even know it was a ‘thing’ people do nowadays, to just disappear after flirting with never another word and expect nothing to be said of it? What stories do you have of dating online or wisdom to offer us… discuss with us in the comments below!