A Grum Christmas Turned… Gleeful?
The holidays are upon us, and it seems the festive spirit of the season has enveloped even I, the Grum Mum. I’m not normally a cheerful sort of person during the time of year that elicits more stress-inducing behavior than any other, but I’m not a total Scrooge either. I’m just the sort that Santa rather forgot about, especially in recent years. Bad things, much more often than good, have been gifted to me for the holiday – and frankly I’m over the whole affair.
However, a little tiny heart might just have changed my mind this year.
Waxing Poetic Over a Handsome Instagram Celebrity
It was a normal sort of December morning,
I at my coffee and the cat at his perch,
When what should my wandering eye behold?
But a handsome celebrity Instagrammer, all alone.
His lithe vapid girlfriend no-where in the frame,
My heart raced a little at the sight of his name.
It seemed suspicious, that this holiday snap
Should be without her, that fame-hungry rat.
Honestly I am making myself ill so I’ll just continue normally. There is a handsome instagram celebrity that I follow – ladies you know the type. Muscular abdomen always displayed, hair all mussed up no matter the hour of the day, lips blossoming in a perpetual pout, and some impossibly bohemian lifestyle. The sort you fantasize about running away with on those long, dreary, rain-soaked winter days where catching a sight of the sun, nevermind a cute bum, is a lost cause.
Now that we’re caught up, this delightful ‘artist’ or ‘model’ or whatever one’s official title is in these positions, posted a nice looking image of just himself. This is notable because he was, let me emphasize – without his girlfriend. Why is that notable? Because this creature is notorious for draping herself wantonly across my celebrity crush in every single shot he’s in. Paparazzi shots, selfies, toilet snaps – you name it, she is there.
Since this was the first time in months that he was unshackled from his paramour, there was naturally some gossip. Speculation among fans was rife that he and she had terminated their ‘ill-advised’ (I am merely paraphrasing popular opinion here) relationship.
As you all know, I am not one to judge when it comes to relationships. As any who follow me can attest I have probably made the worst choices imaginable in partners; it’s rather becoming a sport. Other people are not as broadly minded, however, and so who am I to decline some hot tea? So, scrolling through the comments with my double espresso, I became more and more bold.
Then a genius idea popped in. Since the Instagrammer’s lady of the night friend was not in the photo with him, I thought it alright to leave a comment. You know, not stalky or desperate or anything – just a shooting star emoji or something profound. But then out popped not just a comment, but a rather flirty comment… followed by a saucily winking emoji!
Yes, it was uncharacteristically bold, but as I said speculation was that this famous Instagrammer was single at the moment so I took my shot. I had a Moment of Glory, feeling a thrilling rush of doing something naughty, and then utter nausea. I combatted the sickness and the immediate urge to delete my comment by heading straight out for a fresh frappe, as I had anxiously sucked mine dry during the excitement.
Of course, after caffeine round two, I had a little giggle to myself and dashed a text to my friends about how outrageous I was, but then I thought no more of it and went about my mumsy life. After all, this man is a celebrity with a huge number of followers who gets loads of comments on every photo – no small few of which are offers of sexual gratification from good looking young women. My remark was a breath in the wind in comparison.
Wasn’t I surprised a few hours later, when scrolling through my notifications I noticed something I had missed earlier… My celebrity crush’s account… Had liked my comment!
My heart clenched so tightly that, to paraphrase Lacey, I’m pretty sure I like actually died.
Celebrity Crushes Are Real People, Too
Well, let me tell you who was floating on cloud nine throughout the entire Christmas season? This one. After framing the screenshot of the moment I made sure to send it to everyone in my address book that I hadn’t dated (and a few I had) with a shirtless portrait of him hot enough to melt butter. Life of the Christmas party this year, I was, gaggle of girls a dozen thick looking through my Instagram.
Now what’s the big deal, celebrities ‘like’ people’s comments all the time… even weird flirty ones from Grum Mums’ private accounts (not the main channel one, folks, I’m not looking for a guru gossip scandal). Not THIS sexy celebrity, folks! Trust me, I checked… he rarely EVER likes any comments, and he never replies. It would erode the mystique.
He’s one of those old-fashioned celebrities that doesn’t need to pander to fans on social media to keep them rabid for him. (Did I mention he looks like someone peeled him off the cover of a bodice ripper, often unclothed in his glory?)
Not that I’m complaining about his habits… it made the sweet thrill of conquest all the more delicious to savour. It’s not every day that a hot, handsome, socially aloof celebrity not only reads your comment but shows their appreciation for it, in all its flirtatious glory – with a like from their own finger. I was in heaven, bragging for days, and I will carry that little heart with me until the bitter end.
A Bittersweet Twist and a Better Tomorrow
Well, so I thought at least. Until yesterday when he posted about his ‘dope new flat’ he moved into with his girlfriend. She was back on his lap again.
I was bereft for an instant, but you know what? Let her have him. He’s already given me, and his other devoted fans, the best years of his life. Years she was probably in diapers during, one might snidely add if they were not the restrained, classy matron of society that I am. We get to love him every day through the gift of his luscious modelling skills and the ‘uplifting’ quotes his management team posts on his behalf.
Would I even have tried to leave another flirty comment if they had broken up? You know, I enjoyed the experience but now I think I’ve lived it. I don’t think I would have tried again, it seems a little greedy, to be honest. Let someone else have that moment, that affirming heart that carries them through dark times and makes them feel that the world does have a little magic left in it, after all.
What Do You Think?
Have you ever had an encounter with a celebrity on social media? Have you ever told your famous ‘crush’ what you really thought of them? What would you do if your favorite celebrity liked a flirty comment you left them? I’m delighted to know everyone else’s take on the situation, leave me your comments below!